16 January, 2006

Proactivity, a simple recipe

Alone in that corner, if not in reality only in my head, trying to defend my point of view, "why don't you try it first?" He kept saying, in his efforts to convince me of making my own short film, I was right! I believed I couldn't make a film, at least at that moment; however, he wasn't wrong, as many young filmmakers tried his simple recipe, and could successfully make their first films.

"Delicious food!" I said to change the subject; we all enjoyed eating fool, hummus, and falafel at Hashim Restaurant, "why don't you make a film about fool and hummus?" he asked jokingly, expecting that I laughed ignoring his remark, "please leave me alone!" I wanted to tell him, at that moment, miraculously, he changed his attention to one of my friends sitting next to me, yet I wasn't completely safe, as he gave me some looks from time to time, secretly I was asking God to make him busy away from me, when he finished talking to my friend, he confidently directed his speech to me, offering me to be a co-director in one of his many suggested ideas for short films, silence prevailed, I was hopeless, couldn't say anything, looking at me he was expecting a positive answer, with that expression on his face as if asking if the cat had eaten my tongue.

He seemed as if he realized at last that I was hopeless, inside I was happy, at last I won and he lost, I hid my happiness of victory, proud of myself, convinced he would concede, in less than a second he could spoil that feeling of triumph, surprisingly refusing to give up, "at least why don't you come and see how we make a film?!" he said, then went to pay the bill, he was confident I wouldn't refuse to be a spectator.

My friend and I were there at the location as we promised, he was surprised to see us there, and of course he didn't say that, but he was obviously happy, when the crew had arrived, they began preparing themselves quickly, unfortunately the mic man was missing, and one of the actors was busy making phone calls for an emergency accident at his work, so my friend volunteered to replace the mic man, while I was enjoying my time as a spectator, the guy who invited me to come to see how they make films, wanted me to play the role in the film replacing the busy actor making phone calls, I simply accepted the role, after a moment I began the self-questioning, "how on earth do I accept that role? How can I lose my victory as easy as I did?" I thought I was a loser.

"Action!" he ordered, yet after a moment he would say "cut!" because every time I tried playing my role, I laughed hysterically, unconsciously revenging losing the battle, "he won! But I will make him regret offering me to be an actor" I thought, he calmly told me if I felt I would laugh, just to say "cut!" I began torturing him with saying "cut!" I enjoyed that game, despite that he seemed confident, and calm, as if telling me I would lose as I always did, my enjoyment in torturing him had faded, I got bored saying "cut!" what a mean word! So instead, I began enjoying playing the role, I wanted to make my own film at that very moment, and happily I accepted losing the game, even if that meant he would be the winner.

He approached me, his desire satisfied this time, he was a winner, and I wanted to tell him that I was a winner too, for I learned a lesson I wouldn't otherwise learn, it was a practical lesson, which was to stop being a spectator, to take a role, in other words to be a proactive person.