26 November, 2006

Kinzi and the birds

Minutes ago I was trying to write about something that happened to me two or three weeks ago, after I finished writing a sentence or so I deleted the file convinced that I'm not in the mood for writing or posting on my blog which technically is dead, although I still post on it every once in a while.

Now after ten minutes of deleting that file, I'm back writing again, and the reason behind is something I will mention later in this post.

So this is what I was writing about before I deleted the file, while I was attending a workshop two weeks ago, and during the break we used to take every two hours I happened to talk to a Jordanian professor in one of our famous Jordanian universities, we talked about the workshop when he told me that he is always busy, and that he doesn’t have time to do many things in his life, at that moment I thought that was not his problem only, and that almost everyone has the same problem, we are all in a hurry, and we all have less time than what we need.

I wanted to tell him something when I stopped because I felt it’s a little bit personal and I still don't know him well to reveal something personal to someone I don’t know, but I couldn't hold myself especially that I was convinced that it didn't hurt if anyone knows about it, as I'm convinced of what I do.

So I told him that I'm a happy person, "what? Are you?" he asked, implying what I was telling him has nothing to do with what he was trying to tell me about, in other words being busy has nothing to do with being happy, because they don't have any relation, from outside they are both different.

I asked him "do you have at least one hour for yourself to be able to contemplate or meditate or enjoy life?" he was silent, and I sounded weird, and a silly smile appeared on his face, I told him that I began waking up early in the morning at 5 every day, "but why do you do that?" he asked, I told him that I pray, then I shave, after that I prepare a breakfast, I told him that I take care of every detail, I listen to the boiling water to make tea, I watch the fire of the oven, I feel the hot loaf of bread I heat, then I sit down to eat my breakfast, and enjoy the sun rising, and the singing of birds, "birds?" he mockingly asked, with the same silly smile on his face, "yes, birds" I naively answered, "why, where do you live?" he asked again, I told him I live in Amman, he laughed, he wanted to tell me that there are no birds in Amman.

I stopped there, because I realized how silly he was, I wanted to tell him that even if he lives in a jungle full of different kinds of birds he wouldn't listen to them, I wanted to tell him that we can even enjoy the singing of the domestic sparrow which has neither colored feather nor beautiful singing, if we want to enjoy it, I wanted to tell him that I'm happy in preparing my simple breakfast, because I wanted to enjoy it, when I stopped making that mechanically, I wanted to tell him that I was stupid like him before I realized that I have to enjoy blessings God blessed me with.

We have to slow down and enjoy the details, we have to live the moment sometimes, we have to resist running hurriedly in all our lives, I tried it and it works.

Ok, now I will tell you why I came back to rewrite this post when I decided I wasn't in the mood, I wanted to check my email, when I saw a comment from someone I met in JP's last meet-up, I never talked to her before, we talked about many things, she was very nice and encouraged me to write about my thoughts, and because I'm used to people forgetting about things, I thought that was the end, but I got surprised today with her comment that she dropped by to make sure I'm ok, and to encourage me to continue posting, that made my day, so I decided to rewrite the post I deleted before, thank you kinzi, I think you are one of the beautiful birds we have in Jordan.

24 October, 2006

The Grave of the Fireflies

Have you ever seen a firefly? They are really amazing little creatures, which illuminate summer nights, you see them clearly when the moon is absent from the clear summer sky, the first time I saw them I thought I was hallucinating, I tried to touch one of them, when it flew, then I realized that its something alive, then I thought its something from heaven, silly, huh? Well, I don't think so, because I'm a dreamy person, and I will never give up that beautiful habit.

A Japanese movie got my attention The Grave of the Fireflies, so I decided to watch it, when I finished watching it I discovered that my mother was angry at me, when I asked her what the reason was, she said that she was calling for me to do something, while I never heard her calling, she said I was deaf, of course I'm not, what happened is I was completely consumed in watching that great movie.

It's about a boy and his little daughter who live during the World War II, a very simple story of the human sufferings during war time, but at the same time rich in details, and those details are in my opinion what make the movie worth watching, though if you are not in a good mood, I don't recommend watching it, because its a little bit kind of a movie which makes you sad, because when you see this movie you will be up to many scenes of how people might live during a war time.

This movie for those that a pro-war again any other nation, will make them rethink the idea, the more I know the more I feel stupid, the more I know the more I thank God that I always keep the door open to learn new things, whether that was from a movie, a talk or reading a good book.

Please for give me for the scattered ideas of this post.

21 October, 2006

Pillars of Salt (Fadia Faqir)

We all know that novels and stories have time and place elements, which mean that events happen in a certain place and time, although sometimes the author prefers not to mention the name of known place or specific time.

Sometimes a certain place become famous after an artist or writer includes that place in his/her art whether it’s a painting or a novel, and we all have experienced this many times, in novels we read or paintings we saw, Nagib/Najib Mahvouze is a famous example, making famous many places in Cairo, Egypt.

I never felt the need to read something that takes place in Amman or Jordan, until I happened to read a novel titled Pillars of Salt by Fadia Faqir, actually I read that novel twice, and its one of few on my recommended readings list, it takes place in Amman and Fohais' (Mental hospital), a suburb of great Amman, you will find many mentions of many known places like Al-Mohajereen (refugees camp), Jabal Al-Qal3ah (the Castle Mountain), Saqf Al-Sail, and many other places.

What makes me write about this is that I was very happy when I was reading that novel, because I felt I read something of a place I belong to, a place where I was brought up in, a place I love to live in, let alone that the novel was telling the story of tortured women in our country/region which is dominated by men, and where this community is hypocrite in away or another, and always on the side of men, even when they are bad and offensive, where men can do what women can't, and justify that by the known saying "men can do whatever they do, nothing shames them".

I'm not talking here about women and men, as much I want to talk about the novel, the creativity of its Jordanian writer Fadia Faqir, and how she succeeded to tell the story of women, who played a big role in the struggle against the conquerors of our region, although they suffered much from her father, son, and husband, where sometimes they were crueler than the conqueror.

Thank you Fadia for this master piece which made me learn more about us, self, and how we think.

Please for those who think that I'm against men or women, this post isn't about that, and I'm not generalizing, there are always good men, and good women, and here I'm just telling the story of a story I once read.

I recommend reading this story for anyone who likes or needs to belong to this country (Jordan), and feel the history, even if its not always bright, knowing history contributes to a brighter future, and I also advise you to go and visit some places that is mentioned in the novels, I tried it many times, it gave me a feeling I never had before.

31 August, 2006

My beloved Jordan

I can't believe I'm back in Jordan, all I know is I'm the happiest person on earth that I'm back again.

I can tell myself "El hemdellah 3ala salamti", for all who might wonder right now what on earth made me return,I would say simply, I didn't like it there.

I will be back to blogging again soon inshallah, I think I'm still sad for something I have just know about "I missed the August JP meeting", oh no! please not again :)

till we meet again, and I blog again, hope it will be soon.

19 July, 2006

Bye, I will always miss you

Dear bloggers, friends, all,

I would like to tell that I will leave Jordan to Australia next week 25th /7/2006, and I really don't know if I will be able to post again, as i'm going there, without much expectations, its like i'm going to the unknown.

wish me luck, I really need your prayers, I will miss you, thanks for all of you who visited my blog, or wrote me a comment, or one day helped me to find the right direction.

Hope i wll be able to write again, but I think i will be busy searching for a job, to provide for my basic needs.

I love you all,

Proactivity Group is your home, and hope it will always be.


13 July, 2006

She Loved Naji Al-Ali

She was simple, but she knew what love means, that love is sacrifice, she never liked philosophy, but she believed that love is not just a word; it is to give more than to take.

Before dawn, she wakes up to check on him, he was sleeping like an angel, he gets in deep sleep the moment he puts his head on the pillow, she loves to see him sleeping beside her, with that angelic look on his face, he smiles even in his sleep, she looked out of the window, to see if there was someone outside their house, it was war time, when she hears something she holds his hand, she wants him always to be with her, she puts her ear near his heart, as if she wants to make sure he is still alive.

She lived in the camps somewhere, he lived there too, and she was as poor as he was, when he saw her the first time, they fell in love, they blamed him, she is not beautiful, he never listened to them, he was like all boys in the camp, playing war games, no hide and seek any more, when the day came, they got married, as thousands of people in the camps, one room house, and big hope, in a better future.

He went to the gulf, he took her and the children, to make some money, but he returned back to Lebanon, he preferred the poverty of the camps than living in that consumerism way of living, Palestinians forgot their dreams of coming back, he thought it was better to live in the camps where one cannot forget his roots, and his people misery, he wanted to live his dream.

They lived in a time where assassinations killed innocent, and patriots, he was no exception, many times he received a warning, stop what you do, or we will kill you, he ignored them. Every morning she would wake up early, get in the car, and start the engine, to check if they booby trapped his car, she did that every morning, she wanted him to live, she wanted him to draw, as she loved him more than herself.

She didn’t know that they would kill him, because she thought that she could protect him, she forgot that there is no mercy in this world, but when they told her that he was killed, she cried, but then she smiled and remembered that he would never die, his drawings will make him immortal, Handala will never die.

10 July, 2006

الوردة ُ و العُصفور The Rose and The Bird

A poem in Arabic which I wrote last Thursday, and like to share with you.

أعْجبتِ الوْردة ُ بالعصفورْ
طـَربتْ جَذلا ً وَ تمايَلَ ساقاها للألحانْ
أعجَبَها سِحرُ غِناهْ

حمراءُ كلوْن ِالخَجَل ِالظاهِر في الوجْنة
الوردةُ كانتْ في مقتبل العُمرْ
مازالتْ كالطفلةِ تلهوْ
لا تعرفُ شيئا عنْ كلماتِ الحبْ
لم تسمعْ قبلا ًبالغزل ِ ولا بكلام الإعجابْ
تعرفُ أنّ الدُنيا حُلوة ْ
ما معنى الحزنْ؟
هيَ لا تعرفْ
هيَ تعرفُ أنّ الحُبّ رَقيقٌ مِثلَ المطر الهاطِلْ
فوقَ وُريْقات الأشجارْ
أو نِسْماتِ مساء ناعسْ

قالتْ للعُصفور الأصفرِ ما أحلاكْ
هَلْ تسْمعُني شيئا منْ بوح ِهَواكْ؟
يبعثُ للبهجة،
أو يجعلني أعلنُ أنّي مُغرًَمةٌ كملاكْ

بدأ العُصفورُ يغنّي
و يُرفرفُ من شدة فرحتِهِ
أعْجَبهُ لونُ الوردةِ و الأوراقْ
كانَ يُحدّقُ في البتلاتْ
و يزيدُ غناهُ جمالا ً
الوردة ُ ترقصُ كالطفلة ْ
ببرائتِها المعهودة ْ

كان َ يحدّقُ فيها
الوردة ُ قالتْ ما أحلاكْ
لم تعرفْ أحداً مِنْ قبلهْ
الوردة ُ أعجبَها سِحرُ غِناهْ
قالتْ إحملني حيثُ تطيرْ؟
إنّي لا أقدرُ أنْ أصبرْ
غنّي لي أكثرْ
فأنا مُفعمة ٌ بالحيوية ْ
أسمعني أكثرَ أسمعني

غرّدَ أكثرَ من كل عصافير الدنيا
كان يُحدّقُ فيها اكثرْ
هيَ لمْ تلحظ ْ
إقتربَ يحاولُ أنْ
هيَ لمْ تلحظ ْ
ظنتْ أنّ العُصفورَ يحاولُ أن يَشتمّ رحيقَ هَواها
لكنْ كانت فرصتهُ أن ينقضّ عليها
طلباً للدودةِ فوق الأغصانْ
أنقضّ سَريعاً
أكلَ الدودة ْ
وَ طارَ بَعيداً
لكنّ جَناحاهُ إلتطمَتْ بالوردةْ

فتناثرَ في الكونِ صَداها
بَتلاتُ الوردةِ في كلّ مكانْ
آهاتُ الوردةِ مازالتْ تترددّ في جَنبَاتِ الغابة ْ
كانت آخرُ كلماتِ الوردةِ
أنّي صدّقتُ كلام الغزَلَ المعسولْ
لكنّي لمْ أعرفْ أنّ وراءَ كلام ِالعُصفورِ دهاءً

أمّا العصفورُ فما زالَ يّغني في الغابةِ كلّ صَباحْ

09 July, 2006

She wanted to die

Sitting there in the shadows, trembling hands, shaking voice, she was remembering when he was her best friend, couldn’t believe what they told her, they were brought up together, she was the moon, he was the sun, they played together bayt byoot or 3aroos o 3arees (a game where little kids imitate being a bride and a groom then as married couples), out there on the mountains of Jabal Al 7adeed (suburbs of Amman) that was exactly in the early 1980s, he wanted to give her all little wild flowers, but still he doesn’t remember its names, hand in hand they walked, in front of their family eyes, their parents thought they were still kids.

Her favorite flower was Hannoun or shaka'ek al-No'man (Anemones), he always told her he sees them on her cheeks, she blushed to make a bloody red Hannoun, they used both to build there house on the mountain using stones, lines of stones to form rooms, kitchen, and bath room, they built it differently every time they played their favorite game, once he was sitting in one of those imaginable rooms, built from lines of stones, no ceiling at all, they could see the blue sky, he was holding her hand, told her, and here we can play with our children, Mais will be our daughter, and Qais will be our son, she laughed, and nodded, she looked in his eyes, there was something magical, she liked his talking.

Hannoun only lives during spring, it always declared the beginning of happiness to both of them, they were always seen together, and they grew together, but when they grew up, they weren’t allowed to play together, her mother told her to be careful, and his father told him that he was grown up and should stop playing like kids, but he wanted to play with her, parents never knew what love meant to both of them, so they was looking at each other while they were going to school, every day at 7:00 am, she was always there before him, waiting for him, they walked together to school, their parents never knew, they were like in a dream, a beautiful one, and they didn’t want to wake up from it.

One day, after he arrived home, his father was waiting for him to tell him that they were to go abroad, his father go a job in one of the oil gulf states, with a excellent salary, he told his father to stop, his father told him that he should be happy, because he would go to a better school, and make new friends, he was thinking of her.

He talked to her, and told her that he couldn’t do anything, and she should wait for him, and that he would come back and would ask for her hand when he grows up, she believed him, and they promised each other they would love each other for ever, and they were in tears, farewell was very hard, there was no Hannoun.

Yesterday, she knew that he was to get married, and she was invited to his wedding party, she sobbed, her tears never stopped, she went to see Hannoun, she hugged them, and remembered the promise, she wanted to kill herself, but before she did, she saw a bending weak Hannoun flower trying to stand up from under on big rock, she smiled, then she walked away.

08 July, 2006

The Three Most Important Things

One of my friends while he was talking to a number of beautiful Jordanian girls, no need to say that as all Jordanian girls are beautiful, proud of himself, then he asked them "Do you know what my three most important things I like in life?" he was laughing, they tried their chance with him, but they didn't guess, so he told them not to be sad, and that he would tell them, so he told them, my three most important things prioritized are:
  1. Women.
  2. Women.
  3. And women.

They couldn’t stop laughing, so we all knew that women are all his life, and I think that each and every one of us has his/her three, four or whatever most important things in life.

As for me honestly guys, my most important three things in my life are:

  1. Watermelon.
  2. Watermelon.
  3. Watermelon.
  4. And watermelon.

Did I say three most? Oops! I meant four most important things, so can you tell me about your most three or four important things in life, hope you add them in the comments area, if you see it as a bad joke, you can add you one most important thing.

Enjoy your time

05 July, 2006


A poem I wrote, and like to share it with all of you, please enjoy it.


هل تعرفُ أنّي موجودٌ؟
كمْ كنتُ وحيداً حينَ مَرْرْتِ
و تمنيتْ
لو كانتْ ُوجهَتها نحوي
لو كنتُ المرفأ
لو كانتْ تعرفُ أنّي موجودٌ منذ اليوم ِالأول ِ منْ َموْلدِها
قدْ كانتْ قبلَ ولادتِها، لكني لمْ أوجْد أبدًا قبلَ ولادتِها

هلْ تعرفُ أني موجودٌ؟
هيَ تلغيني حينَ تكونُ، و حينًا آخرَ توجدُني
لا أعرفُ معنًا،
المعنى في سِر وجودي حينَ تكونْ

فحينَ تكونُ أكون مضيئا مثلَ الشمسْ
هي تبعَثني مِنْ عتمةِ ليلي كُلَ صَباح

لو كنتُ القاربَ و المجدافْ، أو كنتُ حقيبتها
هلْ تعرفُ أني مَوجودٌ؟
هل تعرفُ أن تواريخي قد صارتْ حينَ تجيءُ و حينَ تروحْ

هلْ تعرفُ أني موجودٌ؟
هيَ تعرفُ شيئا لا أعرفهُ
أني دُميتها
كانتْ تلهوْ بي يومًا مثلَ الطفلةِ
تعبثُ بي، لا تأبهُ ليْ
لكنّ التجديدَ هوايتها، أو غايتها
قدْ تركتني حينَ أحَبتْ دُميتها الأخرى
دُميتها الأثمنْ، دُميتها الأزهى

هلْ تذكرُ أنّي موجودٌ؟
لوْ تذكرُ أنّي كنتُ قديمًا دميتها الأحلى
لكنّي كنتُ نسيتُ الدمية قبلي
فلقدْ كانتْ دميتها قبلي، لكنْ كانتْ قدْ نسيتها
كانتْ لا تعرفُ إلايْ
و كنتُ نسيتُ أنا أنّي قد جئتُ بديلا
كنتُ نسيتُ بأنّي قدْ أترَكُ يومًا فوقَ المَقعَدِ وحْدي
لأراقبَ دُميتها الأجدَدَ
لمْ أعرفْ انّ التاريخَ بقسْوَتهِ
أو أنّ التاريخَ لهُ دوْرتهُ

وأنا في المقعَدِ مُنتظرٌ، يومًا قدْ تعرفُ أنّي موجودْ

04 July, 2006

Don't lose the chance!

Opportunities sometimes come once in a life, take it, Jessica Pierce gives us an inspirational example.

03 July, 2006

Jonathan Livingston

He will never fly, I’m sure he won’t be able to spread his wings and achieve his dream, he tries to break the rules of nature, everyone I meet say that, but still he is not convinced he won’t be able to make it, I tell him that he can’t fly, but he’s nuts.
Hope he will give up his dream to fly, as it’s very dangerous, and can cost him his life, all around tell him admit now that you can’t fly to save yourself the embarrassment later, he as I know him is determined, but here determination won’t make him any good.
Stop it now, before you regret it, please I told him as a friend-to-friend advice, but he kept his head up, looking there to the sky.
His name is Jonathan Livingston, the first time he was introduced to me was 7 years ago by a colleague, who knew him many years ago, can you help me convince him stop trying, please convince him for me, he is still young, but first I have to introduce him to you, Jonathan Livingston is like every and each one of us, to know him more please read this, you won’t regret it.
For those who don’t like reading, you will regret not reading his story, I was advised to read the story to the end, and when I finished reading it, there was a feeling I will never find again, because it is like seeing Petra for the first time, after you finish the Siq (The entrance of Petra).

02 July, 2006

True Freedom

People all around the world seek freedom; some of them struggle for their freedom, others accept being slaves but still they dream of the day to be free, but I believe that freedom is not granted, they say that the only moment that humans are free is when they are born, the moment they get out of the womb, when they cry their first, and breath air for the first time out of that place, may be the womb the prison, to discover later that the womb is better than being out.

Today, I like to talk about slavery and freedom, but it’s not freedom that all people talk about, I’m talking about another kind of freedom, I came up to this concept of freedom when I was 15 years-old, reading a book titled Al-fawa2id (The Benefits*) for one of the most famous Islamic scholars Ibn Qayyem Al-Jawziyyah.

He introduced me to the world of the human being; he was talking about our habits, and how we can be slaves to them, according to him, there are two governments* (symbolic meaning) inside each one of us, the first is Al-Nafs Al-soo2 (the bad desires in us, or may be bad spirit*), and the second is Al-3aql* (the mind), if you let one of them takes the control the other will be slave for the other, so if the mind wins you live happy, and if mind loses it become the slave.

When we lose control to our desires, or when we can’t change habits (at least bad ones), we become slaves, I can give you many examples, we hear people say “I can’t begin my day without coffee!”, “I can’t live without smoking!” who says that?!! It’s only in there minds, who said they can’t live without that thing they used to drink or eat? It is because they are slaves; they don’t have a true freedom.

When the mind takes over, it can manage its government, of course the mind should have some wisdom, since that time I decided always to check if I’m a slave of my habits, desires, or what I think I can’t live without, whether its food, etc.

Look inside you, and check deeply if you are slave of your own habits, say no, challenge yourself, before you discover one day that you lived all your life as a slave, sometimes your mind will lose, but again you should try to help your mind regain its control, freedom is so precious, and will never be granted without your effort, you can’t have other freedoms if you are a slave of your own desires, or habits.

* The terms were translated by the author of his article, if you see there are better translations; please add them to the comments.

25 June, 2006

From Gaza with Love

If you are interested to read click here.

22 June, 2006

Inspired by 7ala

Inspired by 7ala's post I wrote this poem, its been for ten years or more when i wrote my last poem.

thank you 7ala, for your post.

hope you like the poem.

Mind Missed on JP

Mind is missed in the Jordanian BlogSphere (JP) for almost two weeks now, the fellow Jordanian blogger Khalidah (The Queen), wrote a post a couple days ago about the surgery she had last Saturday, and as I began to be active in the blogging domain, after the hibernation period my blog was in for more than a year, I began to feel like we are a big family in the Jordan Planet (JP), to be honest with you, I began to feel worried when a citizen in JP, who is now a member of the family to me, disappear or stop writing for a while, I feel that its my duty to check on him/ her as if he/she is one of my family.

Now we have Mind missing from the JP, although she is still in our hearts, when I used to read her blog everyday, I never thought I would visit her blog to find it as it was two weeks ago, and there is fellow blogger Qwaider whose aunt needs prayers from all of us, lets stop now and pray for both that they will get better soon, and if someone would keep us updated, we really want to be by their side.

I'm sorry if I'm talking on behalf of you as I use the "we" pronoun, but I really felt we are a big family and I can use the "we" instead of I.

20 June, 2006

Blogging is not talking

Many think that blogging is talking; they like talking, and they keep talking, but I think blogging is a responsibility, and not just for having fun, blogging should play a major role as an alternative media, or will lose battle field with traditional media.

Why many bloggers tend to be funny, or just write about funny topics? Or may they are free to do what they like to do, I don't know, may be I don't have the right to criticize any one, but I like to say that blogging is not talking, and one should walk one's talks, and give a good example, all people eyes are on bloggers.

This is just an opinion, I might be right, or wrong, but I like to take blogging seriously, as I have a mission, and I like people to read about it.

Good luck bloggers

18 June, 2006

They Pretend They Can Quit it

Holding his cigarette, laughing! Do you really think I can't quit smoking? Continued smoking, and laughing, wishing to tell me how much I missed not smoking.

He claimed that he could quit smoking, and other bad habits he is used to, but I don't know why I'm sure he was pretending he could, I don't know why I saw him cheating to himself; he who claims that he can do something should prove that practically, not just claiming.

I lived all my life challenging myself, and I know how hard it becomes when challenging oneself, e.g. doing the opposite thing you usually do, you say u can quit smoking?, ok try it for one week day and night, if you are addicted to something (you won't admit that its addiction), try to stop that for only a week.

I tried it many times in my life, and still try usually to test my patience, and to know how much I still hold control over myself, sometimes I refuse to take a piece of chocolate if I feel that there is a strong voice that urges me to eat it, I refuse until I make sure that this urge dies down.

I challenge all of you to try it, just for fun if you are not convinced of quitting something, I'm sure I'm 100% right this time, that is very difficult and you can't quit it, so please if you can't, admit it to yourself and others, and stop claiming that you are strong and you can change your bad habits in a blink of an eye.

17 June, 2006

Would you please recemmend my readers a book?

All dear visiters/ bloggers,

At last wiki is on my blog, I could add a page (wiki) that could be edited by anyone, I added my first page,which is created for recommeded readings, can you add yours here please?
click on the following link:

Your help will be appreciated, thank you.

14 June, 2006

Love is a verb

In his remarkable book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey, writes:

During a seminar, a man came up and said to him –

'Stephen, I like what you are preaching about relationships. But every situation is different. Look at my marriage. I am really worried. My wife and I just don't have the same feeling for each other that we used to have. I guess I just don't love her anymore, and she doesn't love me".
"The feeling is not there anymore?" Stephen enquired.
"That is right", the man affirmed. "And we have three children and we are really concerned about it. What do you suggest"?
"Love her", Stephen Covey advised him.
"I told you the feeling just isn't there"
"Then love her. If the feeling is not there, that is all the more reason to love her.
"But how do you love when you don't love?"
My friend, Covey told him – "Love is a verb. Love – the feeling – is the fruit of love the verb or our loving actions. So love her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her."

I think that I can't add anything more, as Covey made it clear, that we always oversee the "verb" side of things, and we just see the noun, the result of the verbs, as if we expecting the result without trying the verb to get it.

13 June, 2006

The End of Blogging Age

This is the way everything goes, the birth (the beginning), living itself, then at last comes the death (the end), and blogging is not an exception. I will try to explain why I think that the end of blogging will be soon, or at least people will get less interested in blogging.

Blogging is both reading, and writing, people either read blogs, or write and post to their blogs, and some do both reading and posting, but what makes blogs attractive is the ease of creating a blog, writing and leaving comments, even publishing a blog is now much easier through blog aggregators, such as Jordan Planet (JP), or other websites that offer other services such as blogger, and jeeran, which give all-in-one solution for bloggers, all that convinced people (bloggers) to create and maintain their own blogs, and become bloggers, they do that because there is what I call the personal experience of blogging, they see themselves in their blogs.

I have recently visited many blog websites, or aggregators, and noticed that there are a big number of blogs, than the number of bloggers themselves, then I tried to find out the number of visitors of those blogs and what I found was that less than 10% of the blogs have 85-90% of the number of traffic (number of visitors), and the remaining 90% of the blogs only lives on a little number of visitors, that was shocking.

Bloggers write because they want others to read what they write about, not just for having fun, and if they believe that no one or very few visitors read their posts, many of them will stop writing (blogging) sooner or later, and by time blogs number will shrink, and there will only be those 10% blogs that most of people read, and blogging will be like newspapers, very few number of newspapers, compared to blogs, will leave people with only limited choices to choose from, many bloggers will find soon that they can't keep their blogs running, as nobody is interested in their blogs, they will lose what I called the personal experience of their blogs, and because people in general are not patient, they will give up blogging.

That is why bloggers use tools to know the number of people who visit their blogs, and lately bloggers began posting surveys, to get a real feedback, and in my opinion, some of them want to improve their blogs, that’s why feedback is very important for everyone, and some others want to check if they will stay in business (I mean blogging).

Blogging itself will not end, people will continue reading blogs, and see it as an alternative of typical newspapers or media, but interest in blogging will die and end soon, as blogging will be to them as a source of information not participation, or contribution, people will become readers of blogs, and they might leave their comments on others' blogs, but not bloggers any more, and that is what I mean by the end of blogging, I think blogging bubble will stop get bigger than what its now.

10 June, 2006

To Immigrate or Not to Immigrate

I always wanted to write about this topic, and I haven't really given it a serious thinking until now. Recently, I have met many who dream to leave the country for another western country, which includes the US, Canada and Australia, some of them took the first step, and the others don't find alternatives but to do the same.

Leaving ones country for another with the intent to stay in the later permanently, or for a long time, whether seeking a better life, or forced to leave his home country because of wars, bad economy, or political reasons, is a kind of immigration.

Faced by this question myself, I find myself looking for an answer for what they call the brain drain, meaning qualified people immigrants leaving their home countries. It became obvious to me that this turns to be a very dangerous phenomenon.

Let me now begin by asking these questions, what if most of the qualified people in Jordan immigrate? Is it the responsibility of those qualified people to stay and make the required change to make our country a better place? Do they have the right just to leave and seek a better life somewhere else, as they are humans, and want to live? Or will they leave for sometime and return back after years? This way they can achieve their dreams, and come back to do what they had to do, I'm not going to answer these questions; they are here to make us think. I even don't know if I can say that immigration is wrong or right, because there are many individuals who have their own reasons for leaving, some of them definitely are convincing which make them right, but when it becomes on the country level, like when most of the youth in this country want to leave, we can be sure that the immigration is absolutely wrong, and bad, and should do something to stop.

One common thing which I found is what made those who want to leave think of immigration as a solution to their problems, they all believe its easier to begin somewhere else in another country than here, most of them think its heaven there ,but not in this country, neither in any other Arab country, opportunities are abundant, and life is easier, some of them even think that they can find money on the streets, and finally I found that most of those people are lazy, and they don't believe that they are part of our communities problems, they just keep complaining, as their problems are their governments' responsibility, even if its their stupidity, or laziness, and see that they has nothing to do with what is going wrong around, they are only victims, the only hope is leaving for heaven, which is any developed country.

What about forgetting a little about living a better life somewhere else, and thinking of living a simpler life here in the meanwhile in order to be able to build a better place here, and sacrifice a little of our lives for the next generations, what makes me say this is that I see that all who immigrate never return back, or at least few of them do, and the remaining will be lost for ever there, and immigration becomes a benefit for the immigrant, but not for his/her home country.

Will it make us proud if we tell our children that we lift our home country to make a better life for them? Or to tell them that we preferred to stick here, and dig our roots deep in our beloved country and live a simpler life, instead of leaving and living much better?

I'm sure that many will get angry at me, and some others will agree, but at the end, I'm just thinking, asking questions, and trying to answer them, one think that I'm sure of is that I love my country, and I want to serve it the best way, even if it means I have to sacrifice some of my precious life, I'm proud of being someone who tries to build something out of nothing, better than harvesting others efforts, and running away from taking responsibility to make our home countries a better place, even if it will cost us our lives.

05 June, 2006

One of my (Impossibilities)

In a previous post, on my blog, I discussed the idea of having (impossibilities) in our lives, and how we should question those (impossibilities), because they might turn to be (possible), although we think they are impossible, I called us to investigate our paradigms of how we see the impossible in our lives, implying that many of them are not at all (impossible), but in our minds, as we all live slaves by them and to them.

I think it’s a good introduction to begin talking about that, as this post is about mentioning one of my once thought (impossibility), and I think for most of the Jordanians, back in the school when we were still kids we used to keep by heart a poem by Iliya Abu Madi it goes like this:
He said the sky is depressed, then he frowned,
I said, please smile, its enough frowning, and complaining.
قال السماء كئيبة، و تجهما، قلت إبتسم يكفي التجهم في السما

Excuse me for my poor translation, the poem is about a pessimistic person, who sees everything around as depressed as he is, so the poet gives him an advice, to stop frowning, and whining, and to see the bright side of everything, really a great poem, but I think should be read in Arabic, especially if its to be translated by me.

But what has this to do with of the impossible thing I'm going to talk about? Simply because it's about smiling, my mom used to tell people that I don't smile even to a hot loaf, which is an Arabic expression used to describe a person who never smiles, that’s really funny! I really used to wear that frown all the time, I was proud of it, but why do I use the "past tense"? May be I still wear that mask from time to time, and I see it in some others' eyes; want to ask "don't you smile ever?", despite believing in our Prophet Mohammad Peace be upon him: "smiling to others is a charity", it was impossible for me to smile.

Once upon a time, my boss called me; he was in another department, he told me that he needed me, I went there as quickly as I could, when I was there, he told me that one of my female colleagues had a problem with her computer, they were watching me, I fixed the problem on the fly, it didn't take me minutes, then I told him that I did it, and asked if he needed something else, he asked me to wait for a minute before I leave to my sacred department and office, that’s really funny! I stood there waiting for what he was up to, he asked me to look at my female colleague, and asked me "isn't she beautiful?" "Yes! She is" I answered, "doesn't she deserve a minute of your time?" he asked diplomatically, I frowned, then I followed it with another frown, and a third frown, oh God! What was happening to me? How I was thinking? Simply it was one of my (impossibilities), later I knew that he was trying to teach me that a smile is worth more than any thing.

I hear many talk about how Jordanians don't smile, and it's because of the hardships we face, and the hard economic conditions, I believed in that for a long time, but not any more, why because I meet many Egyptians who work in Jordan, who always keep a smile on their faces, and I think that they all have their own hardships, something else here, now I put a smile on my face more often than ever, although its difficult, I think its not a Jordanian problem, in my opinion its attitude problem, its how we see life, and hardships we face, when we frown, its implying that we have problems in our lives, and we can't be happy about, it implies that we will keep whining about them, but at the same time we forget that frowning isn't the solution for our problems, and hardships, the solution has nothing to do with whether we smile or not, so we have to make a paradigm shift, that smiling may help in the relaxation process needed to solve our problems, and frowning doesn’t bring any benefit.

So the first step I took to solve this problem was two to three years ago, that I kept a piece of paper in my pocket, and I used to read it every morning, there was written on it a line which read "smile, please smile, even if u don't want to smile" and as soon as I read that line I order the muscles on my face to smile, and that’s how I began to meet people with a smile on my face.

But later, may be one year ago, I began another way, which is to change my attitude and try to look at things differently, from another perspective, may be more optimistic, the problem with this way is that the new attitude is not yet rooted in, so sometimes I get to what I used to be, I'm working on this once thought (impossible), it was (impossible) only in my mind, no where else.

So do you have your own (impossibilities)? And do you still think that they are (impossible)? Please try to do something, try to check them; they might turn to be something of the past, change your attitude toward things.

03 June, 2006

Bloggers I need help (against…)

Wasta, what a word! Has no equivalent word in any other language, English, French, or Chinese, I told my American friend about it, it was the first time he heard of it, then I tried to explain its meaning to him, he was trying hard to figure what it really was, like it was came from an alien from the outer space, there was a strange expression on his face.

Wasta is our Jordan flavor for doing things, without it nothing works, it’s a form of ways to get a permission, or to be able to do things ,which without u can't do, in some countries they use bribes, in others power, the power of money, etc., but in Jordan we are more civilized! We just use Wasta, even the sound of this word is nice, and it keeps resonating like a soft music, wasta, ta ta ta.

But what does Wasta mean? For those who doesn't know Arabic, or may be non-Jordanian, we should define the word so it would be clear for them how much we are lucky to have such a word, this great word means that a person has to know someone else with high ranks, or authority, to be able to have a job, or do things, e.g. to be able to have a job in x company, u should know someone to call a manager in that company to help you get the job, even if you are unqualified, so its great to have a Wasta, isn't it?!!!!

Many argue that Wasta became a reality, and we have to accept it as a way of living, and have our Wasta to be able to get a good job, ok let us take that logic aside, and think of some other way to deal with this great phenomenon, lets accept that it’s a reality, and sometimes may be we can't do things without Wasta, but on the other hand do we do anything to change that reality? I don't think so, most of us accept it and say its impossible to change, one of the Jordanian impossibilities, I believe we can do something against it.

Some people think that Wasta is a she, and others think it’s a he, and I think it’s a shehe, the benefits of it works for both females and males, so it has no gender, we can neither say Miss /Mrs. Wasta, nor Mr. Wasta, but why do we care if she is or he is? We should be proud we have it.

Others say Wasta exists in other counties; it's not a Jordanian mark, what is that logic, which justifies it? Do we have to accept this bitter-sweet reality, or try to do something? I'm one who will try to do something, even if its considered to others nothing, I would be happy with this nothing, instead of standing and watching.

I tried to contact some of my friends who are graphic designers, and asked them to make a banner or logo against Wasta, so bloggers could easily use it, and put it on their blogs, declaring that we are not happy with this thing, but as those designers are lazy, and didn't believe in the idea, I really need help regarding making the banner, or whatsoever called, to publish and send it to bloggers, to be the first to do something against it.

Would any one help me in this task? Let's do something, bloggers I need your help.

Killed his Three Daughters (True Story)

He woke them up early in the morning, hurry up we have a lot of work today, he told them, the three of them wanted to sleep more, one of them told her sisters that she was dreaming of her wedding day, and that it would be soon, they laughed, when their father interrupted them, come on we have work to do.

It was still dark, the sun was beginning to rise shyly, the father was the first, walking quickly, he usually walked slowly, the youngest daughter asked him, father why are you in a hurry today? He didn't answer, until they reached their farm, he told them that they have to dig a big hole to be used as a well, one of them told him that they had one, the father replied that the well would be only used for special events.

They all worked from sun rise, to sun set, for several days, 7 meters deep, their father was happy with them, he told them that many times, his daughters were happy too, it was the first time he asked them a hand.

The day of the party finally came, they couldn't wait more, they finished the work, and now it was celebrating time, the father told them he wanted to hug them, and kiss them, he did it, quickly he stabbed his first daughter in the back, the second, then the third as quickly as he could, cold-bloodedly, he looked at them, his daughter who was first killed had still a smile on her face, the smile was declaring their innocence, he wiped his knife, and threatened his son to tell anyone of his crime.

This crime took place in Irbid, twelve years ago, Jordanian Daily newspaper Al Rai reported.

31 May, 2006

A conversation with a stone

He was waiting for her, time moved slowly, and with heavily steps, he looked at his watch million of times, was staring at the faces of by passers, searching for her face in the crowd, felt tired, but he refused to sit on the bench that was few steps away from him, he began thinking that something wrong might happened to her, she was never late, he began to feel nervous, I can do nothing but to wait for her, he thought, don't worry she will come, he continued thinking.

Two hours and she didn't come, he couldn't walk anymore, and so he headed towards the bench and fell on it as a dead body, he hated waiting, but he had no choice but to wait, she promised she would come, "do something!" he heard a voice, looked around, but no one was there, "do something!" was louder this time, hallucination found its way to his mind, he thought, "go look for her!" the voice ordered him, "but who are you?" he asked, "I'm here, you don't see me?" the voice asked, "no!" he was scared now, "I'm here, next to you!" the voice continued, " are you a genie?" frighteningly he asked, the voice was laughing, he wanted to run away at that moment, but the voice calmed him down, "don't be afraid! I'm the statue" the voice told him, he looked at the statue, he didn't notice it before, and he looked around to see if someone was there, "do you talk?" he asked the statue.

"Who are you?" he asked, "I'm nobody" the statue answered, "but I think I know you" he said, "Do I look like someone you know?" the statue asked, "I think so, your face looks familiar to me" he said, "what about her?" the statue asked, "who is she you are talking about?" he asked, "you know whom I'm talking about" the statue said, " you are waiting for her for months now" the statue said, "how do you know that?" he asked, " I was watching you all the time" the statue answered, "she won't come" the statue continued, " no!, she will, I know she will" he said, the statue was laughing again, "I tell you she won't come" the statue said again, "how do you know" he asked, "my friend, I was someone real like you" the statue told him, "and I was waiting for her for a long time" the statue continued, "waiting for whom?" he asked, "for the girl I love" the statue continued, "I loved her so much" the statue continued, "I waited, and waited, I knew she would come, I believed in her, she is all my life" the statue said, "the moon was full that night when I saw a star, I had a wish, to become a statue, to be able to wait for her all my life" the statue said, "and as you see my wish was answered" the statue sadly said, "but you should be happy you are waiting for her" he said.

He felt the rain on his face, he looked at the sky, it was clear, and he thought it was raining; no clouds were there, he found that the statue was crying, "Do you miss her?" he asked the statue, "no!" the statue answered, "don't wait for her" the statue told him, "but why?" he asked, "because, my friend, one day while it was raining, the girl I loved came, and stood by me, I felt the warmth of her body, she came close to protect herself from the rain" the statue stopped, "the rain stopped, but she didn't leave, until the guy came, the one she loves, they hugged, and went away" the statue said.

"Don't wait for anything for long, move on, make things work for you" the statue said, and never talked again.

29 May, 2006

I don't think Mission Impossible

Tom Cruise stepping out of his car, on the red carpet, walking arrogantly, as he finished acting in the "Mission Impossible III" confidant, moving to the other side of his car, opening the door, but, it didn't open, "What's wrong?" he says to himself, "what a bad time" till finally it opens, I kept laughing until my eyes got drowned in tears, it was ironic. click here to see the clip

Anyway, I began thinking about "Impossible" word, who created that word? And did he/she create that word, because it was only impossible in his mind, not in reality? Or are there really impossible things? I think it’s a combination of both, I believe that there are (impossible) things, that can't be achieved, or reached, but what is confusing about this belief, is that I always get surprised to see people that could do those things that I believed were (impossible) , so I found that many of the things we think are (impossible) are really possible, for example I think that eating glass, or walking on fire, is impossible, but I saw many who do it, either on TV, or read such stories about those people, but I think that these are bad examples, because they are controversial, and we can't all agree that they are true ,and real, so instead I like just to remind you that we all knew about many who succeeded in what they or other thought (impossible) situations, diseases, or disabilities, what I imply here is that I believe that there are many impossible things, but on the other hand they are less than what we think they are.

It becomes obvious now that the word (impossible) many times doesn't really describe impossible things, but it's a mere imagination, they are possible but those people don't see it that way, so there are many who create their own impossibilities, and stick to it, until it becomes (impossible), and they become blinded by that belief, held back by that fake disability.

How can we decide that something is (impossible)? And how can we make sure it's (impossible)? In my opinion, it's hard to know for sure what is possible or impossible, but for sure, there are many ways we can improve the way we look at things, and make sure its not our weaknesses, or lack of confidence, that makes us believe that certain things are (impossible), if we see many people disagree with us about something, as they see it possible but we don't, then I think we should reconsider what we think (impossible), its most probably that the problem is in inside, it’s a self-esteem problem.

I believe that almost all the time the difference between (impossible) and (possible), is how we look at it, so the (impossible) becomes (possible) and the (possible) becomes (impossible) depending on what I like to call (the software of the brain), the way we think, we look at things, and how much we have self-esteem.

27 May, 2006

To Be, or Not To Be!

The same question, asked over and over millions of times, sometimes its not a question, but a mere statement, repeated all the time, to express how much we like to do something, and it goes on, we get older to find that we didn't do what we like to do.

Is it that simple? You might all say now we know that already, what makes that guy (you mean me right?) talk about this? there is a reason for my post today, and even if there is not reason we should give sometime to think about.

I've been to Wadi Rum the last two days, and it was my best two days in my life, but not because of the place where we have been to, or that I saw the prettiest girl ever, although the girls there are prettier than they are in Abdoun, funny isn't it, but again that is not my topic now, we can talk about that later.

I was there sitting next to one of my colleagues at work, watching pretty girls, and handsome guys, dancing, their bodies were moving with music, and songs, they were singing, laughing and sometimes jumping, you could easily see how much they were happy, and how much I was sad, "do you know what the one thing I like to do most?" I asked my colleague, "no idea! Or may be to get married!" He replied carelessly, "to dance" I said, "no way, really?" he asked eagerly, "yes, it’s a dream" I continued with a weak voice, but he didn't say any thing, he just watched the guys dancing.

That kind of conversation was repeated in my life many times, with many guys, about dancing or may be many other things, do you believe it? Do you really believe that there is a guy, who repeats talking about what he wishes to do for years? Yes, please believe me I'm telling you the truth.

Without thinking, or saying anything, I stood up, walked to where the guys were dancing, and began moving my body, I was dancing, may be not dancing, I was really flying, with without wings, I danced and danced, then one of my colleagues carried me over his shoulders and began dancing, that was my day, and to my surprise they all started sing "Happy birthday to you" it was my birthday, and the people around sang with them too, words can't describe what I was experiencing, I was trying to pull the guys who didn't want to dance, or were shy to be there in the dancing spot, why? It's easy, give it a try, I kept telling them.

There was a family who went with us to Wadi Rum with which we made friends; they have a son, and a daughter, I approached their son, who is my friend too, and tried to convince him that he can dance, but he refused, he was shy, I carried him, and put him on the spot but no use, he ran away, Dani was shy, I talked to him, "please do it, its easy, don't let your shyness hold you back" I told him, "you are young now, you will regret it if you don't do it now" I continued, "no! I can't do it" he blushed, I was like Dani, when I was a child I refused to dance, or to do many things, shyness held me back from doing many things, and now after two decades I finally do it.

While I was dancing I saw a face, it wasn't the right place to see that guy, he was my colleague with whom I was talking about dancing, he saw me dancing, he got the courage and wanted to dance too, but he didn't believe to see me dancing as if asking " you have just told me how you wish to dance, and here you are dancing" I danced, till midnight, I finished my first day of my 31 years, it was the first day of real happiness, I was really happy, can't be more happy.

Then I thought about how many people I met, talk about things they wish to do, and the only one reason they don't is something silly and can be done easily, it's only hard on their minds, I thought how we people don't enjoy our lives only because we don't try to do what we like to do, or because we like talking about what we like to do over and over, without moving a foot.

Guys who read this post, and how have dreams, or something you wish to do, go do it, right now, go ahead, nothing can hold you back, live your dreams, but please if anyone wishes to kill himself or any body else don't do it, its better to talk, or dream about than do it.

Move your bodies, clap your hands, let's have a party here, let's celebrate, let's believe we can do many things, we haven't done yet.

-Comments on this post are required, no don't mind, I'm just joking, although I wish you leave your comments here it give me insight, and a feedback whether you agree or disagree with me.

11 May, 2006

i can't be proactive

I think this post won't be like all previous posts, because I don't have any idea what I'm trying to write, I don't know! I'm just a little down, depressed and sad, but why am I writing this? Is it some kind of therapy? I really don't know, I guess I can feel sad, I'm human like all others, but why publish it on my blog, again I really don't know, or may be I know, do I need someone's consolation? I don't think so, that won't help, something inside me is changing, I got sick of life, as if I have reached the end of my life, I have no purpose, any more.

I lived all my life, or may be I never had a life before to be honest, all my life was a sacrifice for others, parents and sisters, may be because I'm the only son and the elder, is it my destiny to live this life, even my mother sacrificed more, and I sometimes see pain in her eyes the, she's stronger, or may be she pretends to be strong, but I can't hold more, I need to explode, to shout, Oh God please end this! I need many things, but I can't have them because of the responsibilities, if I had the choice I would have chosen not being created, I came here without my choice, and now live without my choice, I never wanted to be on earth, I never chose my circumstances, my bad luck.

All what I say now is against my blog purpose (Proactivity group), but I want all of you friends, people, whom I know or I don't, to witness one of my bad moments, like all humans.

27 April, 2006

Three Doctors and a Secretary

If you ask any kid in Jordan, what do you want to be in the future? The answer without thinking would be "I want to be a Doctor" but when you ask again "why?" the answer would be" to cure people!!" where the hell do they get that answer from?! Kids don't know what they really want to be in the future, but as their parents keep talking about being rich, and one way to achieve that is to be a Doctor, they catch the idea, and that’s how they become obsessed with the idea.

I hear people from time to time say; I wish I didn't study Computer Engineering or a nurse, etc., being a Doctor is better, implying "richer", I can picture Jordan full with Doctors, no engineers, managers, nurses, and doctors will become jobless, because there won't be patients, all people are doctors, I'm being sarcastic.

The reason I'm writing about this is the sad reality, that many doctors are more merchants than doctors; today I was visiting a doctor, I was early and he was late as usual, I had to wait for him almost for 2 hours, in that tiny room, which serves as a waiting place for three doctors, who share an old building, there was one secretary for all those three doctors, there was a talkative patient who initiated a talk with the secretary, so she began talking, about working there for the doctors, and how nice they are, they are all famous, kind, and humble doctors she said, we all were listening eagerly, until that man asked her " how much do those nice doctors give you?" She said, each one of them gives her JDs 35, so her salary is JD 100, she continued there were two additional doctors who gave her JD 35, but after they left the money left too, she continued that her salary is much better compared to one of her friends, who helps the doctor giving shots, and other things, and her salary is JD 70, one of those doctors was talking to someone on the phone trying to describe his big project in Aqaba, and about the profitability of that project!!!!! I thought for a minute that I was listening to a businessman.

again I'm not generalizing here, I know that there are good doctors, those who refuse to be inhumane, who care about their patients more than the care about money, but here I'm talking about those who love money more than anything, you can love money but in medicine its dangerous, they should take care of their patients and money would come too.

All the mentioned above doctors, are specialized doctors, and they take JD 10 as a fee, they all have many patients, they work at many hospitals, and because they good-hearted they give that poor secretary only JD 35 each, because they don't want her to get spoiled by that money, they believe that money is dirt, they think she doesn't know how money can affect her badly, or change her to a bad person as they are, I thought.

Our beloved children if you want to be doctors in the future please don't forget how to be humans too.

22 April, 2006

I'm Divorced, I'm Human

He begins by saying that he loves her and how much he can't live without her; he needs her as much as he needs air, and he keeps telling her that she should give him the green light to be able to ask for her hand from her parents, she always run away, shuts him out, always thinking of something, that makes him angry, he asks her tell me what the problem is, I'm beside you, I'm here, and always will be with you, tell me and you will see how I help you, she looks at him suspiciously, and tries to smile but nothing appears on her face except a cold smile, he promises her that nothing will come between them, tell me and you won't regret that.

She collects her strength to tell him, and in a very low voice she whispers to him "I'm divorced", silence prevails, he keeps silent for a while, he says why you didn't tell me, she asks does that make a difference? You told me that you love me, and you promised that nothing will come between us, he begins to raise his voice, and a sign of his manhood, but…he never continues, and tells her, that he should think about their relationship, and he never shows up, she keeps sitting where she used to sit remembering what he and other men once told her, she decides that she won't tell anybody that she is divorced, she learned that no single man deserves her love.

Many would say that this is not always the case, as they know many men who accepts to get married to divorced women, please notice the word "accepts" it means that there is something bad they don't like and that's why they have to accept, no one force them to accept, they accept because they themselves have something hidden they don't want any one to know about, but at the same time, they want the woman they want to get married to, to think that because she is divorced she shouldn't ask for any right in the future, he accepts her as his wife, but he sacrifices many things in order to be able to get married to her, what a shame on him!

I'm not with women or men, its all about being fair, please men, I mean those who refuse to get married to divorced women, imagine that you are divorced and no single woman accepts you as her husband, does that feel good? Treat others as you like them to treat you, what makes you refuse a divorced woman, and at the same time we as men get what we want, what makes the community forgive men, and at the same time refuses to forgive divorced women, despite the reality that women are their mothers, sisters,etc.

We men live with two personalities, believe me, even women, I asked my mom once, do you accept you only son to get married to a divorced woman, she kept silent, and said if she is not divorced its better, I asked her why, she couldn't answer, by the way, her daughter which is my sister is divorced too, what a shame! What logic of no logic! I know many divorced young women who are afraid to say that they are divorced at work, because they are afraid that her colleagues would treat them differently, or that the owner of the work tries to take advantage of them, they can't speak out as they live in this traditional community, and to be more precise they live in the backward community, men have many excuses, they repeat asking you want to buy a car, do you prefer it new or used?!! We all buy used cars, and they are pretty much good, if you love a woman and you are sure you want to marry her, do it anyway, be brave as you have to be, be a man, it’s the responsibility of both men and women, fathers and mothers, to solve this problem, we have all to use our brains, instead of getting them rusty.

Let's all speak out and up, it's unfair to treat divorced woman the way we used to treat them.

21 April, 2006

My arabic poems blog

Would you please visit my Arabic poems Blog : http://spiritpoem.blogspot.com/

09 April, 2006

The Kid with a Beard

I gave him 10 piasters (it’s a Jordanian currency which is still used, and is 1/7 US dollar), momentarily he was picking four packs of gum (sha'rawi gum), I took two of them, and I touched his hand as a sign that I only wanted two packs, unexpectedly he put his hand in his pocket and handed me a 5 piasters, I kindly refused, but he insisted on me to take the money or to take the four packs, his eyes were so convincing, he talked a language like in alien movies, but I got the message, he moved on to the next person in line, where we were waiting for the bus, it was always the same faces and the same guy who sold gums, and religious booklets, in Raghadan ( the main public transportation station in Amman).

That young guy usually goes to Raghadan on foot, because no public transportation car or bus driver (in Jordan called service cars) accepts to take him to Raghadan, only one old good-hearted driver offers him a drive, who delightfully meets him with a smile on his face, "hey, how are doing?" the driver begins, "come on in" he continues, " good morning, Ammi (a word used to call old men) Abu-Moh'd" the young man says, and as usual the kind driver Abu-Moh'd takes him to Raghadan, to begin his working day.

I don't know much about that young man, but I still remember that accident, which I witnessed myself, it was 15 years ago, I went to the mosque to the Magrib prayers (Sunset prayers), he was still a little kid then, he wanted to go in and pray but the man who was responsible for cleaning the mosque prevented him from going in, because the kid at that time was unable to control his body, he always had his saliva out of his mouth, he even couldn't walk properly, he limped like an injured soldier, some kind prayers tried to help the kid come in and pray, but the man who was responsible for cleaning always refused, so the kid sadly had to pray in the place where we used to put our shoes, believe it or not, he always prayed there, I was afraid he would hate religion, or give up on going to the mosque, but that didn't happen, he kept going there, and now he prays with others, not in the shoes place anymore.

That same guy now sells gum, or religious booklets for living, he is really a decent young man, who teaches us all a lesson of how achieving one's goals is a matter of a personal decision, its just to tell yourself "I want to be something" and to work on achieving that goal.

01 April, 2006

She worships him

There is always something that surprises me, even when I don't expect that to happen, today I will talk about something that keeps me wondering, at the same time I'm sure that most of you have heard of such stories, or experienced it yourselves.

Today I was watching American TV show, the host was asking a young woman about the reason she came to the show, and what she intended to say, the young woman was in tears, trying to collect her mind, to be able to tell her story, it took her a while to start telling her story, she said that she was beaten up by her boyfriend severely, she was describing the agony that engulfed her at that moment, the host interrupted her asking if she was there to tell her sad story, or if there was another reason, at that moment the young woman was trembling, as she was trying to reveal a secret, she said that she came the show to confess that it was her fault her boyfriend was beating her up, as she was who initiated the fights with him, because he was cheating on her, in her opinion she was supposed to be beaten up, she saw him as the victim, he was the prey and she was the predator, she wanted to make her apology to him for blaming him on their relationship failure, implying she should have accepted his cheating on her.

What on earth make that young woman say that! Or believe that her boyfriend was a victim, it isn't the first time I see such a young woman who blames herself for breaking up with her boyfriend or husband, I always wonder why all those women feel guilty after that bad treatment, sometimes we see that even the well educated women behave the same as the most ignorant girls, I can't get it!, what makes a woman to accept the humiliation?! And blame her self for trying to defend her self, are women nuts? Or good-hearted creatures that can't hate? And are men aware of that? And that is why they take advantage of women, or are they just heartless monsters? I want to say here that I'm not generalizing; I'm talking of those who accept to be treated badly, or those who enjoy treating others badly.

Is it a global problem? What makes that happen in US? I still don’t find the answer.

26 March, 2006

The Chinese girl

She wasn't like all women I had ever met; her black hair was like the summer night, her dark eyes were like the forest in a rainy day, with long eyelashes like the wings of a dragon, if she smiled she could kill a thousand brave knights, if she spoke she could bring them back to life, she was whole like the tree, evergreen and tall, the sky was her home, and the ocean her bed.

I never planned to meet her, it was kind of serendipity, the first time I met her was in a local film festival, she attended as part of the Chinese Embassy representatives, she was introduced to me as the translator of the Ambassador.

I started talking to her, drawn to her because of her sincerity, and innocence, I enjoyed listening to her, she was speaking English all the time and some strange words, although I didn't know any Chinese, it sounded like Chinese to me, she told me how much she wanted to visit historical places in Jordan, I offered her my services, and she hesitantly accepted, she seemed happy, then suddenly she looked like someone who was sailing in the Chinese ocean, with a wrecked ship, expecting the unexpected.

It was Saturday, I waited for her for an hour, I might be the one, who came one hour earlier, and finally she came, I took her to Petra, but she didn't enjoyed it much, she always seemed drifted away, I tried to make her happy, but she seemed sad, after the long day I promised to take her to visit Jerash, but to my surprise she asked me if she could visit Jabal Amman, I asked her to make sure if I had heard what she was trying to say, "excuse me!" I asked, she asked again, Jabal Amman, but it's not a historical place, I said, she said that she knew what she wanted, so I took her there, she was looking for something there, we were both in the car, moving around the place, knowing nothing about where we were heading, or what we were looking for, like we lost our memories, I stopped the car, and asked her, where exactly she wanted to go, she said that she didn't know, something weird was happening there, what was I doing there?, in the middle of nowhere, with someone I don't know, I didn't know what to do.

She began crying, I tried to calm her down, but she couldn't stop, she suddenly became a woman who was crying without being able to control herself, I told her that I knew the place she wanted to see, I was lying, but I had no other choice, I took her to all places I know about in Jabal Amman, she screamed while I was driving in a narrow street, she said be careful there was a little cat in the street, at that moment she told me that she was looking for her parents house, where she used to live a long time ago, at first I couldn't believe her, but when she repeated what she was saying in Arabic, I believed her, but I couldn't believe that she was Jordanian, I told her that she looked Chinese to the bone, she smiled, and said yes, she was a Jordanian, who lived in a Chinese body.

She told me her story; she used to live with her parents in Jabal Amman, but because of her Chinese eyes and look, all people she knew thought she was Chinese, their neighbors, the students at her school, and even the pass byres, all stared at her as she was an alien who came from unknown planet, she hated herself, her mother wished she died before she saw her, she couldn't look at herself in the mirror, since she was a little child she decided to become Chinese, God created her Chinese why would she be something else, from that moment she started the journey to the unknown, she learned Chinese, and successfully had a scholarship to china to study Chinese language at university, she lived all her life a strange in a strange body, when she came home she worked for the Chinese Embassy, and since then she lost her identity, lost who she was, she confessed all that to me, she couldn't bare, but she was still crying.

That was the story of the Chinese girl, who is now the mother of my two children, a daughter and a son, who are also Chinese, but who are not afraid of who they are, or how they look, they have many friends at school, and they like being different.

11 March, 2006

Um Mohammad's dream

After a long working day, one thinks of few things, or even can't think at all, it was 7:00 pm, I badly needed to go home, and have a warm meal, I did the last minute usual checking, making sure all computers, printers, and lights had been turned off, before I headed to the hallway where the rest of my colleagues were preparing to go home too.

We were about to leave when a pretty blue-eyed young woman was shyly approaching us, hesitant she was, looked like something was on her mind or she was trying to take a decision, the moment I set my eyes on her, my heart started jumping, and the blood of my body rushed into my head, unbelievable! She was the one, the angel whom Um Mohammad told my mother about, oh my God! Could Um Mohammad be right, I didn't believe her before how could I do now? Damn! What on earth made me want to believe; Um Mohammad said she was tall, blue-eyed, and blonde, the more I looked at her the more I became sure she was the one, I couldn't move my eyes off her, there was something magical about her, I hadn't felt like that before, I was wrapped in sweeping pleasure, and joy.

She softly said something in broken Arabic; we couldn't get what she was trying to say, and she apparently noticed that, so instead she spoke in English, at that moment I was like a brave lion who jumped to rescue his lioness, unable to hide my blushed face, my stumbling words which came out of my mouth were hard to be deciphered, she noticed my embarrassment, she smiled, at the same time she was looking at the floor, before she turned to ask someone else trying to save me, quickly I answered her before any one could blink an eye, but she ignored my answer, so she asked one of my colleagues again, ignoring my existence, or at least it was how I perceived that, I got angry, Um Mohammad must be right, but that wasn't working.

Um Mohammad our neighbor told my mother that she had a dream that I would get married to a blonde, blue-eyed young woman, my mother told me that Um Mohammad's dreams always came true, what?! Ironically I asked to my mother, it seems that the young woman wasn't the same one in Um Mohammad's dream, but she ought to be, I was sure, the young woman had another question to ask, I did as I did before, I answered her before any one could, so she thanked us, and simply lift me thinking about Um Mohammad's dream, at least I realized that she was wrong this time, her dream hadn't come true as my mother told me.

We should live to make our dreams come true, and not the other way to wait for our dreams to find us.