14 June, 2006

Love is a verb

In his remarkable book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey, writes:

During a seminar, a man came up and said to him –

'Stephen, I like what you are preaching about relationships. But every situation is different. Look at my marriage. I am really worried. My wife and I just don't have the same feeling for each other that we used to have. I guess I just don't love her anymore, and she doesn't love me".
"The feeling is not there anymore?" Stephen enquired.
"That is right", the man affirmed. "And we have three children and we are really concerned about it. What do you suggest"?
"Love her", Stephen Covey advised him.
"I told you the feeling just isn't there"
"Then love her. If the feeling is not there, that is all the more reason to love her.
"But how do you love when you don't love?"
My friend, Covey told him – "Love is a verb. Love – the feeling – is the fruit of love the verb or our loving actions. So love her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her."

I think that I can't add anything more, as Covey made it clear, that we always oversee the "verb" side of things, and we just see the noun, the result of the verbs, as if we expecting the result without trying the verb to get it.


lammoush said...

hmmmm, i dont know if that would really work
if it was like that many problems would b solved

the caller said...

asalam 3alaykom,
i think that is so smart..
infact that s the smartest thing i heared about love..
and if we think of love as a verb in the hard times then we could have the ability to..listen,talk and think of tools in order to solve any problem..and the minute the mending happens..love,the feeling attack without priore notice and the feeling is overwhelmingly strong as if we are married today..
thank allah that is not a theory under experament to me..i've lived that exactly with my husband..
still puting it this way is an eye opener to me..
thank you so much for this great post..may allah bless you:)

Anonymous said...

very beautifull,it shows that the man,when gets bothered because think the love doesnt exist anymore,is loving,because he wants to love more and more everyday...xD

by Gi_brazilian...

M!R@CHK@ said...

Loved the post so brillient :) actually love is to give and to take but sometimes you have to give before recieving and thats the hard part.

Qwaider قويدر said...

Only chicks believe in love. Look at all the comments!!

If Covey thinks love is a verb, I think love is a Lie
A lie that people mutually agree upon!
Love at the end is nothing but a matter of convenience, needs fulfilled and other bunch of things. The feeling itself is extremely selfish, we add icing to it to make it edible and human, instead of it being like an animal instinct
The only love that exists is parental and sometimes family love. Everything else, is bullshit

People love to confuse so many other things as love. They confuse lust as love, passion as love, affection as love. They're all wants and needs.
People love to love to think they're in love ... But soon after, they discover how empty that thing is because it just simply doesn't exist

Sorry to impose

neverland said...

i am so sleepy i wrote my e-mail instead of my ID! sorry :)