26 February, 2006

Before it is too late

It was summer time; people smiled to one another, talked joyfully, and all seemed energetic. She was preparing for the day, standing in front of the wardrobe, trying to make up her mind of what to wear for that occasion, her favorite blue jeans, and red T-shirt, or something else she usually wore, she looked younger in that jeans, a shy smile appeared on her face, her cheeks blushed, then she looked at her husband to make sure he didn't notice what she was doing, he was still sleeping, she was about to leave the room when she noticed her disheveled hair, she combed it satisfied her new hair-style suited her face shape, she looked five years younger. She checked on her children, while they were still sleeping in there beds, before she left.

She arrived early, only a few young couples were there waiting for the rest of the group, before they can declare the beginning of the trip, all couples were hand in hand, happy like love birds, she wanted her husband to be with her at that moment, but not her husband who he was now, who forgot to say good morning sometimes, she wanted him who he was in the old days, before they got married, when he held her hand for hours, and whispered some magic words, nowadays they barely saw each other, he was busy working late everyday, and she took care of the children. Suddenly she felt sad and quickly tried hard to think of something else, about the trip, and how she needed to take a rest from family, and her routine life-style.

The sea was there, young, and fresh as usual, talking to her, whispering the same words, she hurried up to the beach, happiness suddenly swept over her, she took her shoes off, and walked with her bare feet on the hot sand of the beach, she forgot all her sadness, she used to come to the beach when she was unmarried yet, she used to tell her story to the sea, she shared with him her joy and sorrow, and he was always listening empathically.

She took a plastic chair; she wanted to swim her feet in the blue water of the sea, she put her first foot, it was cold and refreshing, then the other, she started moving her legs joyfully, the sand was tickling her feet, it was like a sponge, she was a child again accompanied by her father and mother, she remembered her favorite story, the one she used to read before she went to sleep when she was a child, "The Little Princess" , she brought that same story today, she opened the book, and started reading, "Sarah was happy to be with her father, who came from India" she read, she pictured her father standing in front of her, "how are you sweetie?" he smiled, "I'm happy dad to be with you" she told him, "you know!, you will be grown to be a princess" he told her, "what is princess dad?" she asked, "pretty lady" he answered, "what about you and my mother?" she asked again, "we are the parents of the princess" he laughed, "dad I want to be…" she felt that the chair started to move, "I must be dreaming, there is nothing moving" she told herself, "dad I want to be a princess, and get married to a handsome prince" she continued, "will you be there with me dad?" she asked, " of course sweetie, and we will be all happy" he answered, "father take my hand, the chair is floating" she wanted to ask him, he wasn't there, the chair was floating, "father!" she wanted to cry, "I'm not a princess, as you told I would be" she thought, "I'm not happy, nor am I married to a prince" she wept, "give me your hand my little princess" her father said, "are you real?, you are dead, why should I believe you again" she told him, "come on!, stand up, or you will drown" he urged, she stood up to find her legs were in the water, "why I thought I was drowning" she asked herself, may be she wanted to give up, as her sad life wasn't worth living, she looked around, "my father was here" she thought, she was still holding her story, she opened the story to read the dedication her father wrote," happiness is made, not granted" he wrote, it was like she understood what was written for the first time, "thank you father" she said, she was reborn again, and was looking forward to living her life again.

19 February, 2006

I'm Not Made of Steel

Alone at office, comfortably sitting in his computer-chair, trying to finish some work after all went home, he liked it when there was no one around, although unable to move any of his fingers, tired to death, he had to stay late, he was struggling with that internal voice "you are tired!, go home, you deserve a good meal, and a hot cup of tea" that voice kept telling him, each time he refused to listen to that "evil" voice, next time that voice came stronger, and more persistent, he couldn't keep focused, and lost the desire to finish work.

So instead he was visiting his own blog again, proud of his last few posts, he started reading his last post the 100th time, " I don't believe I wrote that" he smiled, he was sure that people would like it when they visit his blog, and read his posts, as he was checking if there was any comments submitted by one of his fans, he was surprised to find not even one comment, he didn't believe it, and joy suddenly began to fade, "No! It is not a proof that people don't like my posts," his ego echoed inside, he smiled then he put his hands behind his head and relaxed.

He suddenly became full of energy again, although he didn’t know what the reason was," now I can read some of Jordan's most prominent bloggers posts," he thought, so he began reading one of those posts, it was well-written, the blogger could easily express himself, his language was perfect, he enjoyed reading that post over and over again, "it is wonderful when one can easily use a language to write such a great piece of art" he thought, "look at these comments, seem many people read his blog, lucky him!" he told himself, while he was reading that post word by word, he remembered his blog, a black cloud was hovering over his head and suddenly he became sad, "I'm a failure!" he was convinced this time.

He dragged himself out of his chair, and decided to go home, but while he was going to close the internet browser something got his attention, a message of a newly arrived email, "now! I have to go home" he protested, then he decided to see who the sender was, he switched windows, Outlook window was in front of all windows, his eyes fell on the sender's address, and he couldn't believe his eyes, that email was sent by one of the most famous bloggers in Amman nowadays, "I'm dreaming!" he thought, his hands shaking, he moved the cursor of the mouse, double-clicked that email opened, and started reading, afraid that he wouldn't find what he had wanted to read, he couldn't believe it for a second, "Thank you!" he just wanted to tell that angel, he was sure that that angel didn't know her words would arrive at that moment of weakness, and would save him, a tear-drop was about to fall, " I'm not supposed to cry," he told himself," I'm the founder of Proactivity Group blog, don't let that tears…" he thought, "but I need to express gratitude, I need to feel I'm human" he was thinking, when something tapped him on the shoulder, quickly he looked behind, through the window he saw the lights of the street smiling to the walking people, going home after a long working day, he smiled, then he went home.

12 February, 2006

Snow and learning Engleezy (English)

We didn't know it was snowing over the night; Amman was a bride in her white gown, the dawn announced what we had discovered later, my mother came to wake us up, "mother! Go away its still early" we resisted, "there is no school today, snow is all over Amm…" we didn't let mom to continue what she was trying to say, we jumped out of our beds, and ran to the windows, "wow! No school today" the celebration was declared, jumping and singing, every thing was covered with thick layer of snow, all trees were hiding behind their white masks, birds flying feverishly without knowing where to stand, and the backyard was inviting us to come and play.

After eating our breakfast "zait o za3tar and tea", we couldn't hold ourselves more, my sisters began to put on their warm clothes, and looking for their colored wool gloves, but there was a problem, my youngest sister was scared to go out, it was the first time she saw something like that, and was still trying to figure out what that thing was, looking at each one of us from time to time, as if she was asking "what the hell is this?" Nobody answered, she began her first step, when her foot touched the snow she began crying "I can't stand up, there is no earth there" with her childish language she was trying to explain.

My sisters were urging me to hurry up, I was still half the way preparing myself, when they declared their plan, they teamed up against me, it was unfair, three against one, of course if we exclude my youngest sister, they became two against one, but my sisters didn't know that a problem had turned to be real, while I was putting on my clothes my eyes fell on an English anthology book, which I used as extra reading to improve my English, " I have to improve my English, I can't play now" I thought, "come on brother!" my sisters insisted, "but I'm not supposed to waste time, I have to be determined!" I contemplated, "what about your dreams?!" silently I asked myself, so I decided to study instead of going out and playing with my sisters, they were almost in tears, "please come on join us, please!" they pleaded, I cruelly refused their plea, then I opened the English book, and started reading the first lesson titled "Friend of The Poor" by Charles Dickens, I was using my favorite English dictionary "Oxford Advanced Learner's Dictionary" when I learned for the first time that "the poor" meant "poor people" not only a poor person, it was actually a new lesson, and since that moment I began to respect Charles Dickens and his stories were my favorite, he became my friend, in the middle of my reading my youngest sister came to me, asking me to join her, excited she could take her first steps on snow, "come on, I want to show you how I walk on snow" she whispered to me smilingly, "but I can't sister, I have a dream" I wanted to tell her, "ok, I will follow you in a minute" I told her, which I didn't do, she returned after a while in tears, crying, it was a kind of a protest that I broke my promise.

I had to learn English, I was in a public school, as many know that public schools aren't good at teaching English, in my 10th grade there was less than two years before I become a Tawjihi student, I am the eldest, and the only son of my family, I had no choice but to study, studying in a university was my dream, that was 12 years ago, now I regret my refusal to join my youngest sister playing in snow, I could easily played for an hour or more, then return to studying again, determination to achieve goals doesn't contradict with taking a rest from time to time, now after 12 years, I discovered that I can't go back and play with my youngest sister, but I can learn English all the time, don't be foolish, and please be a wise proactive person, proactivity alone sometimes doesn’t work.

07 February, 2006

NO more NOs!!

Written by: Afnan Al-Awamleh
Our first contributor blogger

No way…
No I can’t do it…
I don’t think that I can…

Why don’t you just try it? And if you failed, at least you'll have the honor of trying it. You’ll exceed the line of ignorance, and you'll say yes, I know it! or at least I know something about it, I went through it, learned it's rules, saw it's features….maybe you wont reach the right end or you know what ?! Maybe you will!!!

Am not going to talk about bees and how these small weak creatures make the sweetest, healthiest semi liquid food, which if you thought about it’s size-wise you'd shout loudly : NO !! Of course it can't make honey. Come on, I can crash it by my shoe!! But guess what, it does make it and you large human being can not!!

Some would say now, it's a physiological ability in its body that enables it to do so. You’re right, but we (humans) have even much more power & brain to do miracles!
God honored us by preferring humans on all creatures and made us on top of everything on earth, on top of bees and other much more complicated powerful examples around us.
We just only need to break the complex of (I can’t)

And am not going to talk about how water droplets drill the stone even after hundreds of years!! The result is proudly it did so!! It finally did it.

Am just going to suggest you a game, a challenging one to play:
Choose a thing that you hate to do, or something hard to be done –watch out : I said hard thing not impossible as for being beginners we will start with hard and next steps we'll challenge the impossible – anyways –back to our play, so something you hate or hard to do or totally new thing that you're sure you cant do, for you didn’t experience it before, and make a promise to yourself that you'll do your best to make it right as much as you can, no matter what the result will be, you want to make it just for adventure, challenging or maybe to break routine, for any reason, just do it and see the amazing result, a new taste, feel it and please tell us about it, we'll be glad to share.

If I believe in ( change ), I'll move a head to the thing I wish to do or wish to be, and if I just let things around me decide my way of living, my present as well my future, then am just a stone on the river's way, wherever flowing currents carries me I go…
Do you think you'd like yourself that way? Would you respect it? Respect your mind???

Once I read a story about a small elephant who was captured from his homeland, natural forests and brought to the zoo. he was wedged by a heavy ring around his leg and fixed in one of that big zoo's corners, at first he resisted and fought to break that ring to get his freedom back, he tried once and twice, again and again, everyday for a long time, he bled many times, he got exhausted and finally he gave up, And accepted the fact that he wouldn’t be out again ever..
he grew up calmly and with time the ring became too small and stretching tight on his leg, so the owner replaced it with wider lighter and weaker one, knowing that he surrendered and wouldn’t even think of fighting again, although the ring was too weak and could be easily broken, the owner was right, our big elephant didn’t even bother to check his abilities after he grew up and became a huge strong powerful elephant, he lived there till he died with the memory of freedom which was two steps a way from him if he would have exerted some effort.

Revolutions started with an idea, with an aim, with the willing of changing the present.

If you think you're pushing a wall, then maybe you're right saying that it would never move!! that you'll never win breaking it or passing through it and that you're efforts are being consumed…..well, just try to change your direction away from that wall and look for light somewhere else even if you don’t expect to find yourself there, I tried it myself,

find your way, your way.