31 May, 2006

A conversation with a stone

He was waiting for her, time moved slowly, and with heavily steps, he looked at his watch million of times, was staring at the faces of by passers, searching for her face in the crowd, felt tired, but he refused to sit on the bench that was few steps away from him, he began thinking that something wrong might happened to her, she was never late, he began to feel nervous, I can do nothing but to wait for her, he thought, don't worry she will come, he continued thinking.

Two hours and she didn't come, he couldn't walk anymore, and so he headed towards the bench and fell on it as a dead body, he hated waiting, but he had no choice but to wait, she promised she would come, "do something!" he heard a voice, looked around, but no one was there, "do something!" was louder this time, hallucination found its way to his mind, he thought, "go look for her!" the voice ordered him, "but who are you?" he asked, "I'm here, you don't see me?" the voice asked, "no!" he was scared now, "I'm here, next to you!" the voice continued, " are you a genie?" frighteningly he asked, the voice was laughing, he wanted to run away at that moment, but the voice calmed him down, "don't be afraid! I'm the statue" the voice told him, he looked at the statue, he didn't notice it before, and he looked around to see if someone was there, "do you talk?" he asked the statue.

"Who are you?" he asked, "I'm nobody" the statue answered, "but I think I know you" he said, "Do I look like someone you know?" the statue asked, "I think so, your face looks familiar to me" he said, "what about her?" the statue asked, "who is she you are talking about?" he asked, "you know whom I'm talking about" the statue said, " you are waiting for her for months now" the statue said, "how do you know that?" he asked, " I was watching you all the time" the statue answered, "she won't come" the statue continued, " no!, she will, I know she will" he said, the statue was laughing again, "I tell you she won't come" the statue said again, "how do you know" he asked, "my friend, I was someone real like you" the statue told him, "and I was waiting for her for a long time" the statue continued, "waiting for whom?" he asked, "for the girl I love" the statue continued, "I loved her so much" the statue continued, "I waited, and waited, I knew she would come, I believed in her, she is all my life" the statue said, "the moon was full that night when I saw a star, I had a wish, to become a statue, to be able to wait for her all my life" the statue said, "and as you see my wish was answered" the statue sadly said, "but you should be happy you are waiting for her" he said.

He felt the rain on his face, he looked at the sky, it was clear, and he thought it was raining; no clouds were there, he found that the statue was crying, "Do you miss her?" he asked the statue, "no!" the statue answered, "don't wait for her" the statue told him, "but why?" he asked, "because, my friend, one day while it was raining, the girl I loved came, and stood by me, I felt the warmth of her body, she came close to protect herself from the rain" the statue stopped, "the rain stopped, but she didn't leave, until the guy came, the one she loves, they hugged, and went away" the statue said.

"Don't wait for anything for long, move on, make things work for you" the statue said, and never talked again.

29 May, 2006

I don't think Mission Impossible

Tom Cruise stepping out of his car, on the red carpet, walking arrogantly, as he finished acting in the "Mission Impossible III" confidant, moving to the other side of his car, opening the door, but, it didn't open, "What's wrong?" he says to himself, "what a bad time" till finally it opens, I kept laughing until my eyes got drowned in tears, it was ironic. click here to see the clip

Anyway, I began thinking about "Impossible" word, who created that word? And did he/she create that word, because it was only impossible in his mind, not in reality? Or are there really impossible things? I think it’s a combination of both, I believe that there are (impossible) things, that can't be achieved, or reached, but what is confusing about this belief, is that I always get surprised to see people that could do those things that I believed were (impossible) , so I found that many of the things we think are (impossible) are really possible, for example I think that eating glass, or walking on fire, is impossible, but I saw many who do it, either on TV, or read such stories about those people, but I think that these are bad examples, because they are controversial, and we can't all agree that they are true ,and real, so instead I like just to remind you that we all knew about many who succeeded in what they or other thought (impossible) situations, diseases, or disabilities, what I imply here is that I believe that there are many impossible things, but on the other hand they are less than what we think they are.

It becomes obvious now that the word (impossible) many times doesn't really describe impossible things, but it's a mere imagination, they are possible but those people don't see it that way, so there are many who create their own impossibilities, and stick to it, until it becomes (impossible), and they become blinded by that belief, held back by that fake disability.

How can we decide that something is (impossible)? And how can we make sure it's (impossible)? In my opinion, it's hard to know for sure what is possible or impossible, but for sure, there are many ways we can improve the way we look at things, and make sure its not our weaknesses, or lack of confidence, that makes us believe that certain things are (impossible), if we see many people disagree with us about something, as they see it possible but we don't, then I think we should reconsider what we think (impossible), its most probably that the problem is in inside, it’s a self-esteem problem.

I believe that almost all the time the difference between (impossible) and (possible), is how we look at it, so the (impossible) becomes (possible) and the (possible) becomes (impossible) depending on what I like to call (the software of the brain), the way we think, we look at things, and how much we have self-esteem.

27 May, 2006

To Be, or Not To Be!

The same question, asked over and over millions of times, sometimes its not a question, but a mere statement, repeated all the time, to express how much we like to do something, and it goes on, we get older to find that we didn't do what we like to do.

Is it that simple? You might all say now we know that already, what makes that guy (you mean me right?) talk about this? there is a reason for my post today, and even if there is not reason we should give sometime to think about.

I've been to Wadi Rum the last two days, and it was my best two days in my life, but not because of the place where we have been to, or that I saw the prettiest girl ever, although the girls there are prettier than they are in Abdoun, funny isn't it, but again that is not my topic now, we can talk about that later.

I was there sitting next to one of my colleagues at work, watching pretty girls, and handsome guys, dancing, their bodies were moving with music, and songs, they were singing, laughing and sometimes jumping, you could easily see how much they were happy, and how much I was sad, "do you know what the one thing I like to do most?" I asked my colleague, "no idea! Or may be to get married!" He replied carelessly, "to dance" I said, "no way, really?" he asked eagerly, "yes, it’s a dream" I continued with a weak voice, but he didn't say any thing, he just watched the guys dancing.

That kind of conversation was repeated in my life many times, with many guys, about dancing or may be many other things, do you believe it? Do you really believe that there is a guy, who repeats talking about what he wishes to do for years? Yes, please believe me I'm telling you the truth.

Without thinking, or saying anything, I stood up, walked to where the guys were dancing, and began moving my body, I was dancing, may be not dancing, I was really flying, with without wings, I danced and danced, then one of my colleagues carried me over his shoulders and began dancing, that was my day, and to my surprise they all started sing "Happy birthday to you" it was my birthday, and the people around sang with them too, words can't describe what I was experiencing, I was trying to pull the guys who didn't want to dance, or were shy to be there in the dancing spot, why? It's easy, give it a try, I kept telling them.

There was a family who went with us to Wadi Rum with which we made friends; they have a son, and a daughter, I approached their son, who is my friend too, and tried to convince him that he can dance, but he refused, he was shy, I carried him, and put him on the spot but no use, he ran away, Dani was shy, I talked to him, "please do it, its easy, don't let your shyness hold you back" I told him, "you are young now, you will regret it if you don't do it now" I continued, "no! I can't do it" he blushed, I was like Dani, when I was a child I refused to dance, or to do many things, shyness held me back from doing many things, and now after two decades I finally do it.

While I was dancing I saw a face, it wasn't the right place to see that guy, he was my colleague with whom I was talking about dancing, he saw me dancing, he got the courage and wanted to dance too, but he didn't believe to see me dancing as if asking " you have just told me how you wish to dance, and here you are dancing" I danced, till midnight, I finished my first day of my 31 years, it was the first day of real happiness, I was really happy, can't be more happy.

Then I thought about how many people I met, talk about things they wish to do, and the only one reason they don't is something silly and can be done easily, it's only hard on their minds, I thought how we people don't enjoy our lives only because we don't try to do what we like to do, or because we like talking about what we like to do over and over, without moving a foot.

Guys who read this post, and how have dreams, or something you wish to do, go do it, right now, go ahead, nothing can hold you back, live your dreams, but please if anyone wishes to kill himself or any body else don't do it, its better to talk, or dream about than do it.

Move your bodies, clap your hands, let's have a party here, let's celebrate, let's believe we can do many things, we haven't done yet.

-Comments on this post are required, no don't mind, I'm just joking, although I wish you leave your comments here it give me insight, and a feedback whether you agree or disagree with me.

11 May, 2006

i can't be proactive

I think this post won't be like all previous posts, because I don't have any idea what I'm trying to write, I don't know! I'm just a little down, depressed and sad, but why am I writing this? Is it some kind of therapy? I really don't know, I guess I can feel sad, I'm human like all others, but why publish it on my blog, again I really don't know, or may be I know, do I need someone's consolation? I don't think so, that won't help, something inside me is changing, I got sick of life, as if I have reached the end of my life, I have no purpose, any more.

I lived all my life, or may be I never had a life before to be honest, all my life was a sacrifice for others, parents and sisters, may be because I'm the only son and the elder, is it my destiny to live this life, even my mother sacrificed more, and I sometimes see pain in her eyes the, she's stronger, or may be she pretends to be strong, but I can't hold more, I need to explode, to shout, Oh God please end this! I need many things, but I can't have them because of the responsibilities, if I had the choice I would have chosen not being created, I came here without my choice, and now live without my choice, I never wanted to be on earth, I never chose my circumstances, my bad luck.

All what I say now is against my blog purpose (Proactivity group), but I want all of you friends, people, whom I know or I don't, to witness one of my bad moments, like all humans.