11 May, 2006

i can't be proactive

I think this post won't be like all previous posts, because I don't have any idea what I'm trying to write, I don't know! I'm just a little down, depressed and sad, but why am I writing this? Is it some kind of therapy? I really don't know, I guess I can feel sad, I'm human like all others, but why publish it on my blog, again I really don't know, or may be I know, do I need someone's consolation? I don't think so, that won't help, something inside me is changing, I got sick of life, as if I have reached the end of my life, I have no purpose, any more.

I lived all my life, or may be I never had a life before to be honest, all my life was a sacrifice for others, parents and sisters, may be because I'm the only son and the elder, is it my destiny to live this life, even my mother sacrificed more, and I sometimes see pain in her eyes the, she's stronger, or may be she pretends to be strong, but I can't hold more, I need to explode, to shout, Oh God please end this! I need many things, but I can't have them because of the responsibilities, if I had the choice I would have chosen not being created, I came here without my choice, and now live without my choice, I never wanted to be on earth, I never chose my circumstances, my bad luck.

All what I say now is against my blog purpose (Proactivity group), but I want all of you friends, people, whom I know or I don't, to witness one of my bad moments, like all humans.


Anonymous said...

Hey Eyad,
it is not ashame to feel sad and to express ur feelings infront of ppl , actually i think that's what blogging is all abt, to share ur happy , sad interesting boring moments with ppl;)dont u agree?Anyways nthing is worth being sad, forget wht's bthering u and cheeer up life is short enjoy it to the most.sorry for interferring as iam just a visitor to Jordan planet i read sme articles.

Lina said...

Cheer up mate! Everyone has his/her moments... U needen't wish to die for that! Bad luck can be changed, my mom says, "each person has the key to thier own happiness" and I'm a strong believer of that! Why not try to see the source of your misery (current misery!) -I am certain you're not a sad person in nature- and eliminate it? Could it be that youre single for the moment? or perhaps been stressing and rushing at work? if it is responsibility, then u needn't be the best, most precious (mama's boy always!) have your moments, be mad, or whatever u wish to?! Don't keep it inside u!Coz sometimes its the lack of attention, acknowledgement and appreciation that puts us down! Or so is the case for me and my girlie friends ;) Could be something for you to take after?!
All the best!

eyad said...

Thanks for supporting me, and trying to boost my morale, :)
its ok, it will pass inshallah.

Al-Hajeji said...

في ذكر الشهيد أهل فلسطين
A post dedicated to The martyrs of falisdeen: