26 November, 2006

Kinzi and the birds

Minutes ago I was trying to write about something that happened to me two or three weeks ago, after I finished writing a sentence or so I deleted the file convinced that I'm not in the mood for writing or posting on my blog which technically is dead, although I still post on it every once in a while.

Now after ten minutes of deleting that file, I'm back writing again, and the reason behind is something I will mention later in this post.

So this is what I was writing about before I deleted the file, while I was attending a workshop two weeks ago, and during the break we used to take every two hours I happened to talk to a Jordanian professor in one of our famous Jordanian universities, we talked about the workshop when he told me that he is always busy, and that he doesn’t have time to do many things in his life, at that moment I thought that was not his problem only, and that almost everyone has the same problem, we are all in a hurry, and we all have less time than what we need.

I wanted to tell him something when I stopped because I felt it’s a little bit personal and I still don't know him well to reveal something personal to someone I don’t know, but I couldn't hold myself especially that I was convinced that it didn't hurt if anyone knows about it, as I'm convinced of what I do.

So I told him that I'm a happy person, "what? Are you?" he asked, implying what I was telling him has nothing to do with what he was trying to tell me about, in other words being busy has nothing to do with being happy, because they don't have any relation, from outside they are both different.

I asked him "do you have at least one hour for yourself to be able to contemplate or meditate or enjoy life?" he was silent, and I sounded weird, and a silly smile appeared on his face, I told him that I began waking up early in the morning at 5 every day, "but why do you do that?" he asked, I told him that I pray, then I shave, after that I prepare a breakfast, I told him that I take care of every detail, I listen to the boiling water to make tea, I watch the fire of the oven, I feel the hot loaf of bread I heat, then I sit down to eat my breakfast, and enjoy the sun rising, and the singing of birds, "birds?" he mockingly asked, with the same silly smile on his face, "yes, birds" I naively answered, "why, where do you live?" he asked again, I told him I live in Amman, he laughed, he wanted to tell me that there are no birds in Amman.

I stopped there, because I realized how silly he was, I wanted to tell him that even if he lives in a jungle full of different kinds of birds he wouldn't listen to them, I wanted to tell him that we can even enjoy the singing of the domestic sparrow which has neither colored feather nor beautiful singing, if we want to enjoy it, I wanted to tell him that I'm happy in preparing my simple breakfast, because I wanted to enjoy it, when I stopped making that mechanically, I wanted to tell him that I was stupid like him before I realized that I have to enjoy blessings God blessed me with.

We have to slow down and enjoy the details, we have to live the moment sometimes, we have to resist running hurriedly in all our lives, I tried it and it works.

Ok, now I will tell you why I came back to rewrite this post when I decided I wasn't in the mood, I wanted to check my email, when I saw a comment from someone I met in JP's last meet-up, I never talked to her before, we talked about many things, she was very nice and encouraged me to write about my thoughts, and because I'm used to people forgetting about things, I thought that was the end, but I got surprised today with her comment that she dropped by to make sure I'm ok, and to encourage me to continue posting, that made my day, so I decided to rewrite the post I deleted before, thank you kinzi, I think you are one of the beautiful birds we have in Jordan.