05 March, 2006

Mind vs. Proactivity group

When I first thought of establishing the "Proactivity Group blog", the only goal was to start writing about Proactivity as a way of living, because without accepting responsibility about our lives, we will be like the leaf in the wind, but as all know nothing goes as planned, here I'm changing what I had once thought would be a brilliant idea.

Today I don't want to write about Proactivity, I want to write about something else, about us, the human beings, the motives behind our behavior, as a beginner in the world of blogging I thought it would be easier than what I discovered later, it is only writing, there is nothing easier than writing, I admit now its not as I thought, how naïve I'm! Until now it is not what I want to write about, it is how we people change over night, yes over night, we all live in a world full of distractions, which definitely affect us, more than we affect the world itself.

Let me now recount my story, my dear bloggers, when I started blogging, there was a dream as the force that drives me to write, a dream of changing the world, the world that I know about, a dream without boundaries, believing that a dream can make miracles, I started blogging, my first posts were simple, after a few posts I thought that I have achieved something great, at that time I haven't begun visiting JordanPlanet.net yet, or reading for the most famous bloggers there, but after I finished reading an article in JO magazine, about Jordanian blogs, my life was about to change, it became a daily routine to read my favorite blogs every morning, only then I began to change myself.

Never thought that reading blogs would change my motives, I thought basics were hard to be changed, unfortunately even the basics were about to change, all that began when I started visiting "Mind blog", I began to like the way the author of that blog writes, her style, her language, the way she thinks, even the pictures which are carefully chosen, an internal voice inside me grew louder, telling me that I can do what she can do, or even better, I began to become haunted by the idea over the weekends, thinking about it over and over, until it became a nightmare, the voice kept resonating inside, don't let others be better than you, you can do it, try working harder on your writing.

It began to change to a real nightmare, I was thinking about blogging all the time, I began to mix reality with imagination, a state of hallucination which I couldn't have any control over, my life was turned upside down, my brain stopped thinking.

I really need to think about this problem, and to solve it, as all of you might notice that I'm trying now, I try to wake up the voice that once was the force behind the original idea of my blog, but unfortunately it is still weak, I really don't want to be a famous blogger, this isn't what I want, I want just to blog about Proactivity, I only want to live my simple dream, I think that having the courage to confess that to all of you people, and to myself first, is the only solution to my problem, to be honest with me, and all people around, what I need first is to be me, not anyone else, so there is no more of "Mind vs. Proactivity group blogs".

1 comment:

hamada said...

Indeed, if you want to be honest with yourself you must be at first yourself, but sometimes things going out of your control. "That was not the way I am, why that happens to me? Why I behave differently? "You asked yourself, In fact, these questions and many others are the way of returning you back to being yourself,and you know, this is the way how we learn to control ourselves, just like what happened with you and the others in many cases.
thank you